Terminator: Suicide
by Shikidara
Summary: This is the detailed soliloquy and recap of the events of the second Judgment Day, along with the events that followed.
1. Good Intentions

Terminator: Suicide

Chapter 1: Good Intentions

First off, I'd just like to say that I despise Skynet, I truly do. I am also aware of the fact that if it is not destroyed, the war between the humans and the machines will rage on relentlessly, killing millions of my race. However, if you had the chance to keep the unity of all of humanity intact, would you? If you had the chance to keep brotherhood in the face of the human condition, if you had the idea of love and peace within the human factions come to fruition, would you go to genocidal ends to preserve that love and peace? Would you?

Or would you destroy the monster that has brought forth the complete devastation and annihilation of half the human race, essentially becoming the new "Jesus Christ," inevitably setting off dozens more wars than what was originally intended, leading to even more genocide? Some may argue that war and death would occur anyway, but if I were to make the choice not to destroy Skynet completely, I may take that choice. The worst part about the current situation I am in, is the fact that I am John Connor, leader of the Human Resistance. Is it ethical, morally right, or even within my jurisdiction to decide the fate of a machine that has ended not millions, but _billions_ of human lives? I may be the leader, but can one human really decide that? I've asked myself this question so much: why _**me**_? Why couldn't it have been someone else, or rather, a large group of people deciding on this, better able to represent the fabric of humanity?

I figure that at the end of the day, no matter how much humanity is on the edge of extinction, members of the species will always find a reason or excuse in which to quarrel, kill, maim, injure, and destroy. Even if I don't destroy Skynet, war will be inevitable for the thousands of impending factions that have become part of the resistance. However, has my race really fought with itself since the beginning of this war, 28 years ago? Has my race really gone to the ends of destroying itself, even in the midst of this great conflict? If it has, I haven't heard about, and I sure as hell haven't ever seen it on a global or large scale.

Most like to believe that I was killed by a T-800 on Sunday, July 4th, 2032, but that is just a fairy tale, a ploy to keep my 2004-self in the fight for humanity. No, the real reason for my death, was my suicide. Apparently, my subordinate officers had seen this coming: how could one man possibly lead the head of humanity (3 billion people) to victory, watching loss after loss, without any type of mental trauma? They were half right: I did want out. I wanted this goddamn war to end, and I wanted it to end before it even started. I didn't want it to happen, and I tried with all my might to stop the atrocities of Judgment Day from _ever_ taking place, but it wasn't enough. It was never enough, and I just had to fucking deal with it. I had to deal with the fact that I was almost solely responsible for the deaths of 3 billion human lives, along with the deaths of at least a trillion other organisms caught in the fallout. Honestly, how in a _**fucking cunt's name**_ was I supposed to stop it from happening? And now I'm thinking about continuing the war, costing more lives, for a peace that I'm not even sure that will last. In fact, it probably won't last; there probably wasn't any peace for the war to begin with. People will always fight, that's what makes them human.

How fucking arrogant I'm being, naïve too. I should just blow the shit out of this hell-hole that was supposed to help humanity. I should just blow all the brains out of whoever's in this goddamn building. I should just end it, and make sure it ends. But I am curious...what if curiosity brought about a lasting world peace?


	2. United Under a Lie

Chapter 2: United Under a Lie

I will never understand why Connor thought it was a good idea to call off the attack, along with kill his officers as well as himself. I will never understand why he thought saving Skynet was going to end the war...perhaps he didn't even want it to end. He was probably so embroiled in himself, so egotistical, that he wanted to keep his power as Supreme Commanding Officer. I wouldn't be surprised, he was always a hothead, and was always in control. Perhaps that power corrupted him, turning him into the monster that led him to kill 10 people who were just trying to help humanity. Whatever the fuck Connor was thinking, the Human Resistance is now at least 5 years from ending the war, as of his stupid-ass decision. He even went to the ends of spreading Skynet's software to some of our machines, essentially creating a new army; I guess he was planning his mutiny and betrayal for a while. Hell, 5 years is cutting it. If we're lucky, we'll lose one _billion_ more people by the end of the 2030s. Connor even went to the ends of mechanizing and infecting our plasma guns with Skynet, turning those shitters against us too. Honestly, how does anyone expect humanity to win the war when we can get set back by something as small as one little motherfucker?

I should've seen it coming, too. Connor was always an eccentric guy, but in the months before the final assault on Skynet, I noticed that he was acting strange, stranger than usual. He was talking to himself in his sleep, talking about a fourth world war (humanity assumes that the war on the machines is the Third World War), and the overall unity of the human race. It's all hazy to me, but I do know that humanity is still united, partially. Even if it was his intention, to unite humanity against the machines forevermore, it won't work. It'll probably just make humanity even angrier, knowing that it'll have to deal with the machines for at least 5 more years, if not more. I'm just glad that I had the pleasure of meeting him...he always seemed like a trustworthy fellow; guess everyone was proven wrong about that...

Like he said, and I quote, "We've been fighting a long time...we are outnumbered, by machines. I'm not sure if we can win this war..." This statement has never been truer than it is now. Thankfully, I'm second-in-command, to his wife. Everyone knows me by the name of Elizabeth Hal, and I have been serving the human resistance ever since I was born, somewhere in 2004. One day, I hope to lead the Human Resistance to ultimate victory (hopefully, no one will fuck that up so I have to), unless, of course, someone else does before me. I might even get to understand why Connor made the decision that he made; I just hope it's not a dim-witted, naïve one. I'd also like to understand why he killed himself; he's the commander of all of humanity, he's a tough guy, and is able to brush things off easily. This tells me that he didn't do it because of the pressure...


	3. 2033

Chapter 3: 2033

Today was the anniversary of Connor's death, not that anyone was celebrating it. Hell, people fucking _despise_ that son of a cunt now, and for a damn good reason too. As mentioned before, he single-handedly set back the human race at least 10 years in the war, making a whole hell of a lot of people angry. This anger was not only directed towards the machines during the latter part of the war, but towards other humans as well. Most people can guess that Connor had his reasons, the main reason being the temporary unification of humanity, but if he ever knew a damn thing about the human condition, he would've ended Shitnet the first chance he got. What I'm talking about is the fact that humans are inherently slow and retarded; you can put them against a nuclear holocaust and they'll still fight amongst themselves, probably over small shit like who took the last magazine of ammo, too. It's honestly insulting to Connor's memory and legacy if people do that, but people will still do it, regardless.

I suppose that Connor was just so tired of the war, so tired of watching people die, that he'd finally succumbed to the lie: the lie that humanity's unification will remain intact when faced with a large enough threat. Again, no one can blame him; if I were the indefinite leader, I would've succumbed to the lie probably no more than a year after taking command.

Because his wife is the Commander-in-Chief of the Human Resistance, most of the higher-officers, including me, paid their respects to the fallen idol. I believe that they, too, believe in the same way I do: that Connor had good intentions, but had finally succumbed to the lie that he had wanted to believe, but didn't have the correct circumstances in which to believe it, for years. Although many people like to think of him as a coward who wanted to reunify humanity, I infer that most higher-officers can relate to the amount of stress, tension, and strife that had made him make that decision.

Since his catastrophic decision, the Human Resistance has been receding in terms of gained territory; Skynet is beginning to rebuild some of its lost production facilities. Although its global network has been all but decimated, its intellect, superior to all humans, remains intact, allowing it to conjure pico-second calculations that can and will render any human attacks at the time, inadequate. In some ways, Skynet is almost human: it has a sense of self-preservation and can actually think, which is what makes it so frightening. It's frightening because of the fact that if it is somewhat human, does that mean that other humans are capable of killing billions of a species? The answer is inherently "yes;" just look at our history: the genocide of 6 million Jews during the 1930s and 40s, the genocide of 25 million Native Americans over a 500-year period, and the extinction of a plethora of species over the time the human race has come to rule the planet. It's harrowing to know just how much bad one race can do. It's even more painful to realize that it will never stop; no matter how "far" we think we've come, we're always going to be the discriminatory, vulgar animals we always were.


End file.
